The Last Photo

Two weeks ago, I went into our closet to pull out the pieces of my husband’s police uniform in order to make sure that everything was ironed and ready and that all of the components were there so that he could work his paid duty that evening. If you aren’t familiar with what paid duties are, they are extra shifts that we have counted on to pay for Christmas gifts and car repairs. We are blessed that my husband has the opportunity to pick up paid duties for the extra money that sometimes we are desperate for. I stay home and homeschool our four kids and every penny is needed. On this day, my husband had already worked his normal shift as a detective in the fraud branch of our fairly large police service. He had to pop home in between shifts for a quick dinner and kisses and snuggles with the kids before going in to work another eight hour shift on very little sleep. This story is told hundreds of times, every single day by police families. The rushed eating, the kids crying about not seeing Daddy enough that day, the wife doing the bedtime routine alone again.

Let me just say right now that this post is from my point of view so it is going to be about a husband, a father. I know wonderful female police officers who kiss their kids and husbands good bye, who nurse their babies after a long night shift, who squeeze their growing bellies into their uniforms, trying to protect the new life growing there from the kicks of big bad men that are resisting arrest. I cannot even begin to imagine what it’s like to go to a priority call in the early stages of pregnancy. I cannot imagine working nights at eight months pregnant. I can’t imagine, with my mothering heart, holding a baby that has passed away. Our first responders, both male and female, alongside doctors and nurses face the horrors that most of us turn away from, on a daily basis. I stand behind them and support them with all that I am but this piece isn’t about them. It is about my guy, the father of my kids. I am writing about the man who has never once turned down a tickle fight with his kids even after the longest, most agonizing day. The man who instead of being crushed by yet another sudden death, comes home and holds me and focuses on what we have to be thankful for instead of letting the darkness grab hold.

13681061_10157219088570022_9013795814530286559_n
Saying goodbye to Daddy at the front window
So there I was, standing in our closet, looking at a sea of blue uniforms and I pulled out his bulletproof vest and I held it. Have you ever held your husband’s bulletproof vest? Few of us ever have to hold the only thing that could stand between a human heart and a bullet. It seems so thin but it is so heavy. It’s heavy both physically and emotionally. I see his name, stitched over and to the left of his heart. When he was first hired, their names were on pins but realizing that they could be injured by the sharp pin, the decision was made to move to the embroidered style of nametag. I see our last name, the name I took on the day that we spoke our vows… for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, til death do us part. I see the name that our children carry. I find his black, police issued pens everywhere. I pull them out of all of the pockets. I find his forage cap (police uniform hat) and our toddler grabs it runs around with it on her head. I pull out a black t-shirt from the large stack in his drawer and find black socks and make sure that he is dressed appropriately for the weather because it seems like he is always standing out in heavy rain, or a blizzard or a heat wave. Can you picture wearing that uniform in forty degree weather? Have you felt how heavy those boots are? My kids slip their little feet into daddy’s boots. Boots that have cut into his skin after standing at large festivals for eight hours straight. His eyes scan the crowd the entire time, on high alert, looking for drugs, weapons, suspicious activity and people come up to him and say things like, “Boy, you sure have an easy shift tonight” and he smiles past them, politely answers while never once breaking his moving gaze from the crowd that he is protecting. Boots that he has had to run in, through dark backyards, while hopping fences, chasing boys, twenty years younger. When was the last time that you hopped fences while the world slept?

1618569_10153753764555022_1759175882_n
In Daddy’s boots
Obviously we knew what we were getting into when he first applied to be a police officer. Back then we only had one baby and I found comfort in the fact that if our babies lost their daddy, he would be a hero. Just like with most things in life, we had no idea what it would actually feel like until we were living it and if anyone is interested, they can feel free to apply with their local service or at the very least, apply for a ride along. I feel like at this point, I need again to point out how dangerous the world is for SO many people but there isn’t enough time to do that in detail so please, save those comments. I know there is pain everywhere. 

13613373_10157137738010022_3766447081366347935_o

His uniform is pulled together now and his dinner is hot and ready.  My husband is jumped on by four jubilant kids as he enters the door from work. He is dressed so nicely in his suit. He is in his second year of detectives and my worry has been massively eased, knowing that he is mostly working in a safe office now but we had many years of patrol and he will end up back on the road in a couple of years but for now, he’s safe in his tie and shiny shoes. He’s home on time and has a normal schedule after fourteen years of crazy schedules between the two of us. We chat as he stands at the counter and eats quickly. He listens enthusiastically to the kids’ stories of new Minecraft worlds and what birds visited our bird feeder today. I take his plate to the sink and he goes upstairs to get his uniform on. Layer upon layer, he is transformed into someone who is either a beacon of hope or someone to be feared and hated by others. I wish that both sides could see him, chatting cheerfully with me about his day, while buttoning up his shirt. I wish they could see the man behind the blue. The man that I will worry about until I hear his key in the front door while our kids sleep.

481422_10152319062935022_7104271_n

The worrying doesn’t go away with time. I will never get used to a text that reads, “I’m going to be late, we had a gun call.” I cannot tell you how many times, I have paced in front of our windows, watching the roads become slick with ice, knowing that it’s three in the morning and that the salt trucks aren’t out in force yet and while the cruisers have snow tires on, we can’t afford them on our family car so he will be driving home, over dark roads, in the middle of the night, exhausted. I often wake up out of a dead sleep and reach immediately for my phone to see if he has texted. Is he going to be late again? Yes, every shift is busy now. The world is very different than it was nearly a decade ago when he was first hired.

I am sitting on our bed and am taken aback by how handsome he looks in his uniform. I still wonder how I got so lucky! We have twenty minutes left as a family before his second shift of the day starts. He could spend that time checking Facebook but instead he kneels beside his wife and four kids on the floor and he chooses to pray our nightly rosary with us. This man, who is about to face the evils that we are praying against, is humbled, on his knees and I steal glances at him, deep in prayer and I can never understand what could possibly be going through his head before stepping out into the night to be the one who protects the innocent while they sleep. Our seven year old son, leads us in the St. Michael prayer, the patron saint of police officers, and I ask my reluctant husband if he could just sit with the kids for a quick photo on the couch because these days, they rarely see him in uniform so I want to have a photo.

10372596_10154250023865022_7845396765128105650_n
Thank you Jen Linfield Photography for taking this photo
He doesn’t know that I call this photo, “the last photo.” He doesn’t know that I have a collection, spanning nearly a decade, of “last photos” just in case… There is only a small percentage of spouses out there that seriously have to say goodbye with their whole heart when their partner leaves for work. Do you know how it feels to discuss increasing his life insurance because the climate of the world is anti-police right now and I can’t afford to raise four kids on my own with our measly savings. The brutal truth is that I take this last photo so that I have an up-to-date photo in case the media needs it, in case he dies. This last time, I didn’t have the chance to get the kids out of their dinner stained pajamas so I edited it to be black and white so you don’t see the tomato sauce and peanut butter. He doesn’t know that my heart trembles while I take the photo, he looks so happy with his kids in his arms and they look so safe wrapped under him and all I can think about is “what if this is the last photo”… Grim? Macabre? Maybe…  but I don’t care. What if it is the last photo? I would be so thankful that I took it.

I would be so thankful that he spent those twenty minutes before leaving, on his knees, in prayer with his family.

I would be so thankful for those stolen glances at his perfect profile speaking the words, “…deliver us from evil…”

I was talking with a friend about this “last photo” this morning and she asked me to write this. She suggested that I ask all police spouses to share their own version of “the last photo,” to create a movement, to see the person behind the badge. Can you share this and ask those you know who are married to police officers if they are “ok”? Can you see if they need help when they are alone for the seventh evening in a row, putting kids to sleep? Can you send them a message when the media reports another horrific police death because let me tell you, we all bleed blue and cry for those who have fallen because they are one of our own. I see my tears on their wives faces and my children standing beside the casket.

I wish that I never had to write this but I am so thankful that I have this opportunity to open up about my deepest fear because the family waiting at home often keeps these things locked up at home because we have heard it all before and have learned to grow a thick skin. I don’t want to become a jaded police wife. We aren’t those people. My heart cries out for justice for ALL the victims and fatherless families. My heart aches for all of the mothers who are tucking their kids into bed alone tonight. This isn’t us versus them. This isn’t my pain versus yours. I just wanted to let you know that when you see a photo of my husband and kids on one of my social media accounts, what you didn’t know is that while I was taking it, I was hoping and praying that this photo would not become the last photo

13836000_10157218516700022_1120432896_o

Find me on Facebook at Four Crowns Catholic Homeschooling

119 thoughts on “The Last Photo

  1. Lindsay, this is so beautifully written, I have tears. I pray you have decades of “last photos” and your grandkids are then taking them with you, Jason and your four children in the picture.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. As I read this I sit outside the station waiting for my new husband of just four months to come out, watching all the brave men and women he works with come and go to and from their shifts or family. We live in Canada and while we don’t have near the same concerns for our officers on duty(yet) I know in the blink of an eye it could all change for a family of one of these men and women. I know the feeling of checking your phone through the night, of waking to find that he’s not yet home when he should be. Or getting a text to say “something is happening, let you know when I’m all clear”?qnd being on pins and needles waiting, holding your breath for that message. Your “last picture” will definitely stay with me when we pass our family name on. Thank you for sharing your story and know you’re not alone💙

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I relate completely to almost all of your post (no evening prayers in our home). The black underwear, the glimpse of him in uniform now that he hold a different position on the force… And I never took last photos, but I save last messages on the phone. ’Hi, it’s me, I’m running late. Have dinner without me, tell the kids I’ll be in to check on them when I get home. See you later, love you!’.

    I’ve sadly had to let go of a few friendships due to harsh comments from people we loved and who we thought loved us back. I’ve had to cancel plans at the last minute and entertain guests (sometimes his family) on my own while he got called in for breathalyzer tests or to homicide scenes. I’ve waited impatiently for the call saying he was on his way, only to find out he was being shipped over to Toronto during the peak of the G20 summit for crowd control, terrified he’d come home injured, or not at all. I’ve tried to explain to people what it must be like to have a spouse who insists on not owning any coloured underwear, because of the odd fate that seems to await those who do. I’ve had to try to explain that he is worth the fair wage he earns, by the shear fact that he wears only black underwear to work every day, just in case they ever have to cut his uniform off, and he wants to solemnly respect the uniform until that very moment. Who worries about anyone have to cut their uniform off at work?? And we too, often discuss the current state of affairs and wish for equity, peace and the well being of ALL people, so that everyone can safely go home at night, whether an officer or not, to snap that next loving picture with their family and friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What a beautiful, moving article. As a mother of 6, 1 of which is a Paramedic and another is going to school for the same thing I can only know what you are feeling in a small way. I can only imagine your fear. Even though my husband is not a police officer I well remember the fear when our 6 children were young and there were not any cell phones and my husband would be late for whatever reason. I did the pacing and worrying if their Dad was coming home. I hear my daughter’s stories and know she is not telling the worst of the worst and I fear for her as well as I will fear for my son who is following in her footsteps. I pray that God blesses and watches over your husband, your children and you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. An amazing story May you and your family be blessed with many years together my son is a police officer something he wanted to be as long as I can remember He is a Husband and a Dad and I pray everyday that we never get the call my heart bleeds every time I turn on the tv anymore Bless All Who Serve And Their Loved Ones

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for being vulnerable and real and sharing from your heart, your life. Praying that God bless you and all families who make such a great sacrifice daily, nightly. Peace to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Having worked with your husband, this article was all the more poignant to me. As a civilian member of the same police service, I respect and appreciate the sacrifices that uniformed officers and their families make on a daily basis. As a wife of a firefighter, I, too, live with the realization that when I say goodbye to my spouse it may also be a last goodbye. I try my best to keep those fears in check, but am periodically reminded of the risks involved with emergency responders. They do what they do to help make this world a better place for all of us to live.

    Beautifully written!

    Like

    1. It means so much to me that you commented and that you actually know my husband. You are around this stress daily and carry the same worries in your heart. I pray your husband comes home safely after every shift. We are blessed to live in such a wonderful and safe community and although the world is changing quickly around us, we have a great police service and fire department and we are so thankful that we live here. I’m sure you feel the same way. Blessings and peace 🙂

      Like

  8. Thank you for sharing this! It was so well written. May God bless all our police officers and first responders who risk their lives on a daily basis. But most of all, thanks to their families for all THEY do. I have nothing but pride, love, respect and admiration for all men and women that serve the public and will continue to say a prayer for their safety.

    Like

  9. So touched by your loyalty and Love. All the families and wives of our police officers are in my thoughts and prayers for their safety and the return to their loving families. Thank you for Your service.

    Like

  10. Just heard about the San Diego shooting while I was reading this blog that my sister posted. I guess your husband was a little baby when his parents & sister lived in our neck of the woods. Thank you. Very touched by your sharing. So glad that your faith is also important in the life of your family. To each of you in the family, God Bless you, God Protect you, God Guide you all the days of your life. GBGPGGY ❤

    Like

    1. Oh how wonderful it is that you remember my husband’s family when he was a baby! We visited that area when we went on our honeymoon in 2004. We keep meaning to bring the kids to Montreal to show them where Daddy is from. Our faith is the glue that holds our family together. I don’t know how I’d get through each day without giving it ALL back to Our Lord! God bless you and your family! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.

      Like

  11. Thank you for this ! My husband until recently never really came home in uniform. Now it’s a must to travel to and from. I haven’t seen it in so long I almost forgot how handsome and brave he looks in it. I also ask myself how did I get so lucky ? Thank you for sharing a glimpse of your family with us.

    Like

    1. Awwww! There is nothing quite like a man in uniform! We are lucky ladies that get to wrap our arms around these men! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it more than you know 🙂

      Like

  12. Lindsay, thank you for being willing to be so brave and vulnerable in sharing your heart with your readers and being a voice for all police officers. I am not married to a police officer so I can’t empathize with your situation but I can empathize with your honest emotions and I was right there with you every step of the way with tears streaming down my face! I am grateful for this gift you given me to allow me — a stranger — to walk your journey for a few short minutes — the same journey that you walk every day. Thank you for being there for Jason, loving him, supporting him, raising your kids, and giving him a reason to keep safe and return home safe. Thank you both for the service that you so sacrificially give! May God grant Jason safety on his job, and protect him as he seeks to serve his community. May God grant you His peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding, knowing that Jason is in His care. May Jason watch his children grow up to have children of their own and for both of you, may your faith stay strong, your family thrive, and may your love for each other continue to grow deeper.

    Like

    1. You made me cry! What beautiful words you have written for us. I cannot thank you enough for your prayers and support. Every time I read about Jason seeing his grandchildren, my heart aches! We have many years until grandchildren but we already talk about them and I need my husband here for those days. We are so looking forward to our future together. Thank you so much for these powerful words and may God bless you and your family 🙂

      Like

  13. Beautiful!!! I was in tears waiting for you to say that something had happened to him and I am VERY happy that I didn’t read that!!! I would like you to tell him Thank You from KS. I just don’t understand all of this craziness going on right now.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and comment. I have passed along your thanks and like you, I cannot wrap my head around why our world is spinning so quickly out of control right now but I have been reassured hundreds of times now since posting this blog post because of the amazing comments that I have received. In the midst of such darkness, there is still so much love out there. Blessings and peace +

      Like

  14. Thank you sooooo much for sharing your heart, fears and life. I am also a police officers wife and although it’s not in the states and not as viloent there are still shootings and things to be worried about. My heart has the same love and fear for my family. I was in tears reading this. Again, thank you!

    Like

    1. Hello sister police wife! Thank you for reading this and commenting! We aren’t in the U.S either and are in a pretty safe community and I cannot imagine what our police sisters and brothers are feeling every day in the U.S. We do carry deep fears though, even in a safe community especially in this day and age. My heart goes out to your and your family and I pray that you have many years together and for a heart filled with peace. Thank your husband for his service for me 🙂

      Like

  15. I also have many ‘last photos’ and a box of keepsakes just in case he doesn’t come home. Sad, scary, and necessary for our family. Over the past month my fear is stronger but every day I smile as he leaves, don’t sleep while he’s gone, and pray that he returns.

    Like

  16. Absolutely beautiful! Every time we take a photo in or out of uniform I always wonder if it is the last one, every cuddle with the kids, every goodbye, love you, be safe I wonder if that’s the last one. It is so hard to explain to family and friends why you have these thoughts because they just tell you to have positive thoughts and everything will be fine😂👮. Very well written!

    Like

  17. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone…that I need to take more “last pictures” and for giving the rest of the world a description of a little piece of OUR world. People who have never lived this life, will never understand. I have leaned on the Lord for protection and peace and comfort when my husband leaves for work since the day I met him. And now we have two girls that I pray have their daddy to walk them down the isle on their wedding day amongst other major milestones in life. My 7 year old questions and fears these days. Why when she’s old enough to understand, police officers are now such a big target…breaks my heart. Again, thanks for sharing this post with the world. Praying for the safety of your husband and all law enforcement around the nation. One badge,
    One family…#weallbleedblue

    Like

  18. Very touching piece. My husband was a policeman for 30 years retiring at 50 at the rank of lieutenant and second in command. By the time we became a couple, he’d moved through the ranks so he worked steady day shift with the exception of special details and most nights when I went to bed, he was next to me. When he retired, our local newspaper did a Sunday cover feature story on him and his career. They asked me for old photos to accompany the article and I couldn’t wait to see the spread, but I cried when I read it. He shared stories of the job throughout the years – about the time an assailant who just killed a police officer in a neighboring state was shooting at him; about the time he ran into a burning building because he was first on scene and was informed there were people still in an upstairs apartment; or about the time he tried to save a woman who had just been shot in a domestic situation and the sound that she made as she was dying. Stories of his career that he never talked about, that I didn’t know about until reading them in the newspaper. It takes a special person to do what our LEOs do and being a spouse is not for the faint of heart. I’m not sure how I would have handled the bullet flying/burning building days. After my husband turned in his papers, I asked him to please have a portrait taken in his uniform as I did not have one. That was my “last photo” with regard to his LE career and that is my wish for you…a retirement portrait after a successful, healthy and fulfilling career. Thanks for sharing your story and please thank your husband for his service.

    Like

  19. My husband, sister and 2 brothers are all police officers – and my dad was killed in the line of duty 25 years ago! Your story was great to read and that you should enjoy those extra special moments and take pictures when you can! Thanks for sharing

    Like

  20. Wow this touched my heart and it’s my life as well but I’m fire department! My husband is a volunteer firefighter, paid LT FDNY, a instructor at a fire academy! Plus he owns his own contracting company! So I have 3 fire jobs to worry about everytime he walk out that door! We say be careful be safe love you! God Bess your husband and family stay safe in this crazy world!

    Like

  21. I feel everything in this piece. I think that about every picture I take and haven’t even realized that it was “something” because it is my norm.

    Like

  22. Beautifully written and so true. My husband has just recently been given the DARE officer position after 14 years of patrol. I thought my heart would easy some now that he is in an ‘office’. But, he is in the investigative building and goes to, 8 seems, more dangerous calls. He works over for free to patrol certain areas of our parish that some citizens are concerned about. We have created a FB page for first responders. Here they and their families can be sent a free anointed prayer cloth, request prayer (private or public), and support. Our page name is: More Than One Heart Behind The Badge. We have been up and running for 3 weeks now and have sent out around 1000 prayer cloths. Some officers eyes fill with tears when handed one. We care that they go home safely to their families!

    Like

  23. Beautiful! Thank you for speaking for all of us LEO wives and families! I will pray for your family. I am very blessed as my husband just retired safely after 25 years as a police officer!

    Like

  24. This is such a beautifully written post. As I often sit alone (while my Husband is on duty, his second job or while he coaches middle school football) I also think of how trying it is to be speaking of increased life insurance or even long term disability. It is also incredibly bittersweet how our two children crave his attention once he enters home. “Daddy” is said 100 times within the hour he may be with us in the afternoon. I am a former 911 telecommunicator and thankfully this past experience helps with the worry of what my Husband is facing daily. Although, the many nights lately that I get up check Windows, doors and outside areas with our k9 along side just due to the growing worry of police violence… Even at their own homes.

    I also never realized how important last photos can be. My Dad passed away on July 8 after a two year battle of cancer. My last photo of him with our children is of them singing in the choir. This photo says so very much as it shows them worshipping our Savior together, his sickness, strength but also the memory that within the next minute he had a mild seizure. I remember telling people recently at the funeral home that this was proudly their last photo together. Will I ever find the courage to take another Last Photo, this time of my children and Husband? I’m not sure. But when I do, how I will pray to not be feeling the heartache that many police wives are facing today, or the grief my own Mother is in the loss of her Husband.

    Like

  25. I am a police officers wife. I never truly understood what those words meant. Why are they so important? Until I became a police officers wife. Everyday my boys and I watch him get ready for work. He straps on his gear with pride and dignity. My husband like so many other men and women in blue, run to where others are running from. Comforting those who just found out their loved one wasn’t coming home. Holding a child as his/ her parents are being cared for because they were in a car accident or a domestic situation. I am so proud to be a police officers wife. I say those words loud and proud as so many others do! Thank you for writing this, it was beautiful . I too having started taking as many pictures as possible of him with my two sons. They are 3 and 10 months. I want them to always know what a great daddy he is and how much he loves them.

    Like

  26. OMG I just came across this in my feed today. What a way to get me crying on a Saturday morning. From when I was young I decided that I would never marry a police officer for these exact reasons. Your post is heart tugging and thank god you are strong enough to live this each and every second of the day. I know in my heart I could never do it. Thanks for giving a true insight into exactly what is it like being the spouse of a police officer.

    Like

  27. I thank each and every one of the serving officers of our police forces in USA! God bless you. You are awesome. And God be with all the families that wait and do more than their part to allow these officers to do their jobs. Thank you doesn’t say enough.

    Like

  28. I loved this article. I have several friends on the force, and they frequently post such happy pictures of their families on Facebook. It never occurred to me that they might be calling those pictures “the last picture.” I know that things can change in an instant while they’re on duty, but it *is* so easy to take for granted that we’ll keep seeing those pictures pop up again as we sit so comfortably in our homes, relaxing in our beds maybe, while they face the horrors of the streets. I had no idea what police wives actually think (aside from the constant worry) while home with their kids. Your post inspired me to not just pray for those families but to find tangible ways to care for them, too. Some LEO family (or families) is going to receive a care package from us just to let them know they are loved and valued. Thank you so much for all that your husband does to keep the streets safe for a public he does not know and oftentimes does not love him like you do. And thank *you* for being there for him. You are loved!

    Like

  29. Your article was very touching to me! My prayers are with all of those that protect us and the families they leave every shift. I would love to send you a beautiful, inspirational necklace as a token of my appreciation as a symbol of desication as a wife of a police officer❤️

    Like

  30. The article is beautifully written and touches a deep cord. I am a LEO wife in the U.S. and am a former officer. I kiss my husband goodbye in the morning with a prayer for safe passage for the day and thank God when his shift ends safely. I wait at work for his call or text that is he home safe.
    It is getting more stressful here, I admit ,but I do not let him know, for he does not need the extra concern. There are so many more attacks on officers than makes the news. As a wife, I think if people only understood or would go out and do the job themselves they would get it. I wonder if they want to?
    I am proud of his service, dedication, kindness and love of people. Thirty-one years service but still a young man. (Figuring out what to do when he retires! To young to sit down!)
    Keep taking those pictures. Keeping making the memories. Keep making each other laugh! Keep the conversation always going and always, alway let them know they have a warm, loving safe haven at home. Prayers for all my LEO sister world wide.

    Like

  31. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I sit here with tears in my eyes thinking of my husband who is working day shift right now. He has been a police officer for almost 20 years. When we met, 15 years ago, he was a crime scene investigator. Back then I didn’t worry as much for his safety because he investigated after the crime was committed. I worried more about the emotional trauma it caused him. He has been back on the road for 6 years. We have our routine every night before he goes to bed because he gets up at 4am and I’m usually still sound asleep. When I wake in the morning I text him my usual text. When the Dallas murders happened, I lost it for the first time since we’ve been married. He wasn’t able to call me for hours…I prayed, I cried, and felt so alone. I know in our city there are bounties on cops heads. The gangs are calling for their members to “kill the pigs”. The morning after Dallas, when he finally was able to call, he said he had to go, someone was flagging him down. I held my breathe and paced until he called me back. This is crazy. Sorry I’m rambling on…reading your story helped me to know I’m not alone. Thank you and God Bless you and your beautiful family. God bless our Heroes in Blue!

    Like

  32. Thank you! This is absolutely beautiful & I will now share the photos of my husband in uniform with a whole new meaning and perspective! From one police wife to another, my prayers are with you & yours my sister behind the badge.

    Like

  33. Thank you for this post. I’m marrying my officer in 2 weeks, (we’ve been together 8yrs, and he’s been an officer for 1.5yrs) and I so appreciate your words. Thank you for sharing them, as I don’t think many people understand what we feel when we say goodbye to our loved ones everyday. In our house, we don’t say goodbye, we say ‘See you later.’ Because then, it’s a promise. Then, I WILL see you later.
    ➖💙➖

    Like

  34. I know it was so hard for you to write this and get it off your chest because just like you said the terror we feel and think everyday we keep it locked up inside. I know I do. I really enjoyed reading your post. It seemed as if you were describing me and my husband lives, literally. Take care and God Bless your Blue family from our Blue family!

    Like

  35. You beautifully express what goes on in my heart as well. I can especially relate to your story as I am a Catholic Homeschooling mom of 5. My favorite moment of the day is to hear the garage door go up every evening! I, too, have paced in front of the window and leave messages he is unable to return due to being so busy. I know the thoughts of worry about him on the ice and in the 100 degree heat. My husband is a patrol officer in a city that borders Dallas. No matter how many times I surrender his safety to the Lord, I end up taking it back and worrying about him again. Sometimes I feel like it I just had stronger faith, I wouldn’t worry so much, but what you wrote helps me to know I’m not alone. St. Padre Pio said “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.” That is our challenge as police wives. Every wife has to surrender her husband to God, but police wives sometimes have to do it multiple times a day. May God protect our husbands and our families and may the prayer that was prayed at our weddings be answered…”May they see their children’s children and that, reaching at last together the fullness of years for which they hope, they may come to the life of the blessed in the Kingdom of Heaven. Through Christ our lord. Amen.”

    Like

  36. I am in tears this is exactly how my life is as well we hold them tight and let them walk out to protect others hoping that we get to hold them again thank you for you story.

    Like

  37. Thank you for this. For your honesty. Your clarity. Your service. In our house we appreciate our men and women in blue.

    Like

  38. Thank you for these thoughts. My husband of just 3 years is a state trooper and with this world lately, it’s hard not to look at my one year old and wonder if she won’t ever know her daddy. Without faith and prayer, I’m sure I wouldn’t have even made it this far. Praying for your husband, mine, and all other LEO’s out there.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s